Life's a Gamble: Note to self: DO NOT attempt to drive to phoenix by yourself with 3 small children a week and a half after having a baby

So ArJay is a huge Diamondback( that's the Phoenix major league baseball team) fan. Like we-had-season-tickets-a-couple-of-years-ago huge. HE also grew up a huge LA Dodger fan. His earliest memory is being like 3 and arguing with an opposing team fan that Dodger's are the best. So when the Dodger's came to town this last week and Arjay asked, no begged on his knee,s if we could PLEASE go to a game since he is actually off work still from having the baby and can go what could I say?? Being the kind, considerate, awesome, amazing, unselfish wife that I am ( ahem ahem), I said yes. His dad was in Tucson on Monday so, again, because I am amazing, I let him go up with his dad so just the two of them could go to the Tuesday game and we would come up for the Wednesday game. I have taken the two kids to Phoenix by myself plenty of times and even to Alamogordo, which is 5 hours away. I thought "self, you can do this. It's just one more kid, an infant even, those are very portable. Besides, you'll have to figure out 3 kids eventually, why not on a fun little road trip to Phoenix when the baby is only a week and a half" Yes, you can feel free to laugh at me now...

So Wednesday morning I met my mom at swim lessons; obviously I wasn't doing those yet with Kendall that's ridiculous. But somehow in my mind, driving to Phoenix was not....hm....new mommy brain damage perhaps... After their swim lessons I had clothes for them and mom waved us off on our merry way at 10 am, although she seemed somewhat timid about it( rightfully so). We were barely hitting Marana ( 30-40 minutes down the road) and all three were in melt down mode. Apparently, their stomachs were all shrunken and they would die if they did not eat right that second. NO worries, we'll just stop at this McDonald's real quick and I'll nurse Bryson while the other two eat in the car and be on our way.

One hour later we finally pull out of the parking-lot-that-shall-not-be named. Kendall is now shirtless because he spilled his entire red fruit punch on himself and Alianna is without pants or panties and trying to remove her shirt because she is "so hot". Apparently we are going to a nudist colony instead of the dbacks game.. I missed the memo.

Another 30 minutes down the road Alianna has taken to chanting " shortcut, shortcut, short cut" ( like I really want to take the long way with this brood). Kendall is tired and irritable so he has decided to yell" NO short cut! NO shortcut" Naturally, all the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth wakes up the baby who wants to eat again. Alianna informs me that she has "fixed him" and is letting him eat her finger instead of Mommy. Classic. Miraculously, it works and Bryson goes back to sleep. At some point in this mayhem, Kendall gives up and goes to sleep.

Another 30 minutes down the road ArJay has called to ask why the heck I'm not there yet. I inform him that I am looking for the camera on the front windshield because I must be on some bad family sitcom right now. He hangs up laughing at me. The nerve....

Immediately after this phone call a tumbleweed literally the size of my van comes right at me( I'm serious about that size. I know I use literally incorrectly a lot, but this thing was a beast) Of Course I am surrounded by 18 wheelers and can't get out of the way of the monster tumbleweed of doom. I swerve a little, still in my lane, but that wakes up Kendall and Bryson and I still get the full force of the Tumbleweed( which we learned as we drove home at midnight that night, pulled our bumper off so it was barely hanging on all the way home from phoenix in a crazy thunderstorm. Awesome)

Alianna then informs me that Bryson has blown out his diaper into his carseat and Kendall smells poopy too.OH what fresh He** is this....

We finally limp into Lacey's drive way 4 hours after leaving Tucson( this is usually a 2 hour trip). I inform ArJay that I quit today and these are now his children for the reminder of the day. IF he would like to leave a message with me, I will get back to him tomorrow.

Luckily the game was fun and the kids got the autograph of the mascot "Baxter" which they love. Kendall still carries the autograph around from his "monster" ( he's supposed to be a bobcat or something). Good thing they are cute and worth it, I just hope they realize how awesome their mom is someday....