When the asked me, I stated that it didn't really matter for us because Alianna was just going to Kinder so she wasn't attached to either school and I was planning to drive no matter what. Another mom said " Oh! You're THAT mom." Although her condescending tone and frosty look screamed at me " Cut the apron strings you overbearing mother and stop coddling your child! She will never do anything for herself! " I was shocked at the clear animosity and lost for words. I wish I had said how much I loved riding home with my mom growing up. Something about her in the front concentrating on driving made it safe for me in the back to voice some deep thoughts and fears on that short drive home. I wish I had said that, as long as I feel I can, I would like to drive me kids to school so I can have that time with them too. The whole conversation has bothered me, like a scab I want to itch, for a couple months.
Why do we do this to ourselves and especially each other? We all KNOW how hard a job this is, why can't we build each other up? Why not say " Score, glad you found what works for you, I'm going to go do what works for me. " I'm not privy to private male conversations, but it seems most dads I know are proud of themselves for anything remotely parental they do, period. I imagine they all high five each other and proclaim themselves Masters of the Universe on the one day a year they get up early with the kids and make a huge Mother's day breakfast that turns the kitchen into Ground Zero. I'm exaggerating of course, but the idea still stands that we should try to be a little more proud of ourselves and each other for whatever we do accomplish.
These thoughts have been swirling in my head when I saw a friend post on facebook something along the lines of her friend joking that " driving my kids to school is not in my job description". My friend then posed the question what is in the Mom's job description? I thought a lot on that and decided I really like the idea of a job description because there is NO ONE right answer. First, think of all the minutia of motherhood, there is no way that could be quantified and written down as a job description. There's no choosing beforehand which tasks you will undertake and which are beyond what you are willing to put up with. ( If this were true, I would put it in my contract that I NEVER have to potty train a child. All my children would be under contract that they will wake up when they are 2 /2 and be fully potty trained and never have a single accident). Also, if you were to actually write down the entirety of Motherhood, NO ONE would take that job, am I right?
I like the idea of a job description for Moms because my job is completely different than yours. My employees are different then yours so we are automatically in different jobs. You might look at my horde, I mean adorable children, and the antics they pull and think you could never handle that. That's cool, you don't have to and, likewise, I don't have to put up with the shenanigans your hooligans pull. ArJay has been working days on Sunday for about 6 months now. This means I am the trying to wrangle my 3 children 5 and under to sit quietly, not poke each other, not escape under the pew, not throw cheerios at the kid two rows up, go out for 5 potty breaks all together all in the 1 hour of sacrament meeting by myself. This last week, we were nearly late and all the pews were taken so we sat in the metal chairs in the back. This adds a whole other level of chaos as I am trying to contain the running baby from zooming down the aisles and banging ever item in my purse loudly on the metal chair. A sweet lady came up to me afterwards and said, " You sure have your hands full" with a look of deep pity and like she wouldn't wish my situation on her worst enemy. But I just thought of the cliche " You think my hands are full, you should see my heart". They might be stinkers sometimes but they are MY stinkers.
I never claimed to be a perfect parent, you know who is a perfect parent? Someone without kids. We all think we know best and our kids "will never do such and such" Then you have kids and all you chocolate covered ideals get blown to pieces with the first tantrum-in-the-middle-of-Walmart-for-no-reason-except-she's-2. But I think that's another reason you can't write down a Mom's job description. Because it's constantly changing and adapting to match your kids. And you are going to screw up...royally...at least a thousand times. But kids are amazing because they will love you anyways and might not even realize you messed up. Because you are their perfect mom. I would be an awful Mom to Susie Q over there, but I am the perfect Mom for Alianna, Kendall, and Bryson. That's why the Lord made me their Mom and they are my kids. The Lord knows us and knows who we need and needs us.
The point I'm trying to make is that we all need to stop comparing ourselves to each other. We have different job descriptions. If you asked a banker to perform heart surgery, he couldn't. That's not his job. And your job is to be the best mom you can be for your kids today, the end. By the way, You are ROCKIN' it! Just the fact that you worry about it, proves you rock it.
I keep thinking of one of my favorite quotes, it's by Albert Einstein: " Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." So don't worry about Susie Q or her mom. They are flying while you are swimming. And love on your fish the best way you can.
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