Fast forward 13 years and 3 pregnancies and my thyroid continuing to whack out on me constantly, and the damage is embarrassingly obvious. It is the thing I am most embarrassed of. Even when I feel like I'm looking pretty good, I take one look at my hair and my self confidence crumbles. I NEVER feel like I have good hair days. I try to sit facing walls so people aren't behind me staring at it. Intellectually, I know nobody else cares or probably even notices, but it is constantly on my mind and I am constantly trying to hide.
Tonight, my aunt called me to suggest some oils that might help. She was genuinely trying to help and very kind. But I am soo sensitive about it, I try not to talk about it....ever. ArJay asked who was on the phone and I crumbled. I started crying and said something about how I shouldn't feel like I am going bald at 29. Alianna and Kendall were sitting at the table eating dessert as I literally crumbled to the ground. Immediately, they both left their ice cream ( this is a big deal in our house, we guard our ice cream to the death) and came over to me. Alianna climbed into my lap and, with innocence of a ( admittedly very self assured herself and probably couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't love themselves) child asked why I didn't like my hair. I tried to explain that it was too thin and frizzy, she just frowned. Meanwhile, Kendall started launching into a very loud story. He was being extremely goofy and giggling so much I couldn't understand 90% of what he was saying. I asked him what he was talking about. " Mom I'm telling you a funny story to make you happy and make your face better".( the tone had an implied 'Duh" at the end) Of course, I cried all the more. Kendall decided he wasn't going big enough and got more exaggerated with his goofy expressions and "funny story" so it was little more that huge hand gestures and giggles. He carried on for at least 15 minutes until I reigned in even my happy tears at the pure beauty and goodness that my children just showed me. When I finally stopped crying and was only smiling, Kendall stopped and took a huge breath( pretty sure he didn't take a deep breath the whole time as he "told his story"). " There, I made your face all clean." As I tucked him in, he touched both my cheeks, as if to reassure himself, and said " Yep, all clean. My funny story made you all better right momma?"
As I tucked in Alianna, she again asked why I didn't like my hair. I tired to say something about how I just don't think it ever looks very pretty. With the sternness of a school headmistress, she put her hand on my arm to stop my rambling and said " Well you are wrong Mom. You are beautiful, and you will always be beautiful no matter what your hairstyle." Then she gave me the fiercest hug.
So, just so you know, I have the best kids ever. They already far surpass their old self conscious mom in compassion and how to deal with problems. I hope I can be like them when I grow up.
